Sunday, August 07, 2005

Santas Of The World Unite

More than 100 Santa Clauses and their little helpers have gathered in an amusement park north of Copenhagen this week for the annual World Santa Claus Congress. The three-day convention includes a chimney climbing competition and a parade in the capital. Participating Papa Noels, Santa Clauses, St Nicks and Sinter Klaases are drafting plans to improve their working conditions, including standardising chimney –widths in the EU and holding Christmas twice a year to lessen the one-day-a-year burden on Santas.

Perhaps the Santas will be treated to a nanny state lecture from Oprah on the detrimental effect on health of all those mince pies (saturated fat) and glasses of sherry (saturated brains) or maybe the animal rights lobby will show up and demand that the Satnas switch from reindeer powered sleighs to internal combustion engined snow - cats. Which will then lead to violations of the Kyoto treaty. Which will prompt Bush to talk of America's special relationship with is ally Lapland, thus making The North Pole, Elves and Christmas stockings targets for Al Quaeda terror attacks. Blair will ten order British security forces to follow and shoot five times in the head anybody suspected of posessing Christmas Puddings (incendiary when soaked with Brandy) Christmas Crackers (packed with high explosives) or sage and onion stuffing (can be used in poison gas attacks)

All in all, in the furture Christmas is going to be a jolly time. Thank Goddess I'm a pagan.