Friday, April 28, 2006

Cheesier than Stinking Bishop?

Stinking Bishop cheese, we thought Camlbert was too smelly to show a picture of.

Camelbert (A soft cheese made from camel's milk) is the new cheese for Bedouin hipsters in the Mauritanian capital, Nouakchott. The "fromage de chamelle" slips down a treat with a glass of red wine, and tastes 'like a tangy goat's chees' according to cheese connaiseursnyone who has stood close to a camel will be familiar with we think.

Camelbert also has a strong, distinctive smell, the people who sell it online admit. A smell we think a Cheese connoisseurs can choose between the original brand Caravane, and the newly launched Sahara. Both sell for 800 ouguiya, or about £1.70.

I love cheese but I will pass on that one. Our own Stinking Bishop cheese, a rival surely to Sweden's Surstromming as the worlds most repulsively smelly food, at least tastes good if you can hold your breath until you get it in your mouth.


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Friday, April 21, 2006

An Exclusive on the World's Greatest Celebrity

Queen: Phillip, have you farted?

Phil The Greek: Of course not Lizzie old thing, it was probably one of the Corgis

Everybody loves a celebrity story and there is no bigger celebrity that the Queen of England. Our sister publication Boggart Blog managed to get ace undercover reporter Jenny Greenteeth, the evil water spirit (and world's first celebrity evil spirit) into Windsor Castle disguised as the brackish water in a vase of flowers and she sent back this exclusive recording of the conversation that went on between The Queen and Prince Philip over breakfast.

Foreign admirers of the royal Family might be shocked at some of the language used in by the couple, but hey, when they are off duty they are just ordinary people like the rest of us.

Find it online now at Boggart Blog Inside Windsor Castle


Report Predicts Everyone Will Be a Sexy Millionaire by 2050

History is full of failed predictions from the Oracle at Delphi through Nostradamus, Mother Shipton and just about every twentieth century stargazer and futurologist who ever found an audience.

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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Cruisin' for a (verbal) bruisin'

So Tom Cruise has relented and said that his wife can scream as much as she likes when their pointy - eared Thetan sprog is born. I should think so too, engrams be damned; if there is one time a woman needs to let of steam it is when she is pushing a baby into the world.

Cruise is a scientologist of course and so believes that civilisation was dropped of on Earth by a race called the Thetans whose women did not scream when they gave birth because it filled the baby with negative energies. (What is not mentioned in L Ron Hubbard's philosophy though is that the Thetans were pinheads.

Read more on noisy human childbirth at The Birth of the Air Turns Blues

Also as a follow up to yesterday's item check out the truth about the

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The True Tale of The Easter Bunny

Ever thought the Easter story does not make sense. How did eggs and bunnies get mixed up with the crucifixion myth?
Is there something we weren't told in school.

You bet there is.

Check out The True Tale Of The Easter Bunny for the real story on the crucifixin myth, the easter egg thing and the easter bunny.

and if you need a laugh to brighten up the holiday check out the latest at
Boggart Blog

Sunday, April 09, 2006

A Few Snippets To Amuse Or Provoke

I found this item at Sara Coslett's blog over at Authorsden.

*** Please Spread This Poll All Over The Internet -- Especially to News Media so They can see that it is Now Alright to Tell The TRUTH About the Bush Crime Family. That they seemed to have started doing on Thursday about the Bush / Cheney Responsibility for the Plame leaks !

Poll - Should Bush be in jail

Then I came across some amusing Bushisms at Very Random Blog of a Very Random Person. I am amazed the Scientologists are not hailing Bush as a God, he's not from this planet is he?

And finally, find out how we Brits go about belittling our politicians at Boggart Blog

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Murdoch's Myspace Mistake?

Have you signed up for myspace, The Dirty Digger's music and social networking site yet. It is said to appeal to "the young" so why are Jenny Greenteeth (5000) and Little Nicky Machiavelli (570) there you might well ask, I mean they are hardly in the 16 to 24 demographic are they?Well these two have a nose for a disaster of course and were drawn to the site when they heard Rupert M has invested upwards of $500million.
Now he didn't do that from charity, so how can the cash be recouped? A web pundit says the site, with its 63million members worldwide is a cash cow waiting to me milked. Trouble is whenever new media pundits say things like that about anything on the web, the fools who invest find they are not milking a cash cow but pulling an angry bull's dick.
Murdoch's" Myspace Mistake

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Condi In The Land Of Pie Eaters

So what was the real reason for the visit of Condoleeza Rice to the old industrial towns of Lancashire this week. Was it simply to promote better relations between Britain and America as we were told?

Well when was anything the politicians told us true?

Could the whole thing really have been about neutralising Iran with a secret weapon the British have previously kept to themselves?

Find out what was really going on, read the whole story of Condi In The Land of Pie Eaters:

The real reason why Condi Rice visited North West England is revealed.

It is not often those of us who live in Lancashire, the Wars of The Roses county in the old industrial heartland of England's North West get a visit from a major figure in world politics. Can it be coincidence then that last week's visit by Condoleeza Rice was synchronised with the leak of information to the British media about secret meetings between the Pentagon and the Ministry of Defence to work out a strategy for military action against Iran?

In order to avoid a repetition of the Iraq debacle it is obvious even to those covert government agencies we laughingly call Military Intelligence that a somewhat more subtle approach was needed if the western powers are to debilitate the theocratic rulers and effect regime change while winning the hearts and minds of the Iranian people.

It does not require a mastermind then to work out that Condi was here in Blackburn to secure supplies of the world's most potent weapon against terrorism, the industrial strength meat pie.

Lancashire is the traditional home of the meat pie of course, us natives are not called pie eaters for nothing. To subsist on a staple diet of industrial strength meat pies as many generations of our ancestors did requires an indestructible digestive system comparable to that of a goat and a fortitude of spirit that is otherwise only found in salmon as they battle their way up rapids to their spawning grounds.

Such is the toxic potency of a dodgy pie that they are banned as weapons of modern warfare under the Geneva convention (we Lancastrians, being weaned from our mothers' breasts on them are immune of course) but so long as war has not been officially declared they can be sneaked into an enemy country disguised as food aid.

How does a meat pie work and how can people be fooled into eating them? The elegance of their use as an assault weapon lies in the fact that non - industrial meat pies, those made by your mum or granny, are not only completely harmless but also nutritious and delicious and even the ones served in respectable catering establishments are usually quite appetising. The industrial variety however is made with meat of very dubious origin. Everything the abattoir cannot get rid of even for cat's meat ends up in meat pies. Lips, arsholes, eyes, tails, unmentionables and things that defy forensic analysis all go into the melange along with dodgy chemicals to add flavour and colour (which is a joke, the inside of a meat pie is a dull grey in hue, even after cooking) all go into the melange along with crumbs of stale bread and a glob of glutinous goo so vile it would make a cockroach choke. This melange is then formed into balls which are encased in a pastry made from paper dust and sump oil. They are then baked in batches at very high temperature which triggers a quantum reaction that causes the atoms to become unstable.

The terminally naive have been known to eat meat pies unaccompanied. Those endowed with native wisdom will only eat an industrial meat pie if it is accompanied with mushy peas. These are marrowfat peas marinated in a solution of bicarbonate of soda and overcooked until they are reduced to a green puree. On contact with this substance the unstable atoms are neutralised.

Travellers visiting Lancashire should avoid putting themselves at risk. Avoid buying pies from street vendors, roadside food vans and stalls at sporting events. Sports events always arouse passions and none more so than soccer matches. Soccer crowds have been known to throw toilets rolls, coins, half eaten sandwiches, dead fish and molotov cocktails at match officials but there is no case on record of anybody throwing a meat pie at the referee. That would be too inhuman to contemplate. On the other hand, soccer crowds are known for insulting chants and the worst one, directed at any official or member of security staff who appears slightly overweight goes:

"Who ate all the pies?
Who ate all the pies?
You, fat bastard, You, fat bastard,
You ate all the pies."

The insult lies in the fact that the target is not only being accused of being so greedy he has deprived the paying spectators of their half time fun; watching the visiting team's supporters spontaneously combust after two or three bites of pie, but that he must have the constitution of a sewer rat in order to have survived such a feat.

On the issue of homeland security it is worth noting that Lancashire has never suffered a terrorist attack since the Vikings raided Shuttlebotham's pie factory in Oswaldtwistle and the resulting flatulence propelled them at each other with such force that all but two were fatally impaled on the horns on each others helmets. We say let Al Qaeda come with their dirty bombs, we will be ready for them with our pies of mass destruction and our local exponents of the science of fart lighting.

A portion of Hollands Meat Pie with mushy peas can produce up to ten farts with the brisance and explosive velocity of nuclear warheads on cruise missiles. ISIS you have been warned.

Cheesier than Stinking Bishop?

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