Saturday, July 23, 2005

Garry Trotter and the Portal of Pleasure #6

Its best to scroll down to #1 and start from there, otherwise you will get the knob jokes but not much else will make sense.

Briony lifted the lid of her desk and saw the magic soap, amazingly it was back in its wrapping. Underneath it was a note from Prof. Philtre which read, "unfortunately the soap although bought at the Wiz - Mart store is a brand available in any muggle shop. Wizards get dirty too. It does not have the power to levitate or rub itself on your body. Professor Humblebore and I suspect foul play and will be speaking to the person who gave you the soap.
Now that she thought about it Briony did remember feeling as if there were two hands rubbing her body rather than just the one holding the bar of soap. It had felt rather nice actually.
"Especially when he was tickling my…" Briony's train of thought was interrupted by the arrival of Sibilant Shush, the Alan - Rickman - lookalike hexes and curses teacher.
"Order everybody. SHADDUP!" Mr Shush bellowed. "Today I want you to pair up for a your curses practical."
In the general melee Briony was making for Garry so that while working on the exercise they could talk about what had happened but Shush steered her towards boring little Dementia Pox.
"You're not working with Trotter today girl, Prof. Philtre thinks you spend too much time together."
"Oh sir…"
"No arguments. Get Pox now."
"Yeah but - yeah but…"
Pouting like a botox lip job Briony found Dementia who was thrilled that she would be working with the smartest girl in the class and chattered excitedly, getting on her partner's nerves as they set out into the Weird Wood.
The project, which would count towards the exam, was to turn something into something else. If you were turning something nice into something nasty or something nasty into something nice, it had to deserve it. Safest option was to turn a pebble into a flower. Nobody got hurt, pebbles had no self awareness and flowers were stupid so that was kind of neutral. If on the other hand you turned a Prince into a toad without him having done something really really bad, questions were bound to be asked. Briony was not in the mood for thinking things through however, she had other problems on her mind.
"Demmy, have you ever been groped?"
"Um groped. Let's see; Ippissimus Stoatmasher tried to stick his tongue in my mouth when we kissed under the mistletoe last Winter Solstice, but I kicked him on the shin. Why?"
"I was groped in the shower."
"In the shower? Wow Bri, I had no idea you were a lezza. Cool."
"Not by a girl, by - erm - well I'm not sure but I think it was Garry."
"Garry, well he's not bad I suppose, a bit serious though."
"Trouble is I thought it was a randy ghost and told Prof. Philtre. I need to warn Gaz. before Humblebore sends for him."
"Why did you let him grope you."
Briony told the story of the heavy breathing she had heard when in the shower, of the magic soap and of the feeling that hands were caressing her wet body."
"Wow Briony that's, like, a sexual experience. Well kewel. You so are the most wickedest girl in our year."
Briony always found it a tad embarrassing when Dementia tried to do street talk. Even so the ruse worked, within an hour all the girls on the exercise knew about it and were trying to find Garry. Prof. Philtre was one step ahead however, she had asked Sibilant Shush to send Garry and Ron to the Mists of Time to see if they could turn then into now.
Frustrated and angry Briony should have let Dementia do the exercise but when they caught Handsome Hare trying to seduce the fairy Cobweb, which was against the rules, she gave the long eared creature no chance to say that it wasn't what it looked like.
"Vain creature I am going to turn you into an ugly goon," she said, raising her magic wand.
"Ah well, hare today, goon tomorrow," sighed Handsome with a shrug. There was a little puff of smoke and in his place stood a creature that looked like a cross between a potato and a homeless tortoise.
"We so are in trouble now," Dementia moaned, "they were only having a snog."
"Don't care," Briony huffed.
The examination had taken all day and as soon as it ended Briony hared off to the shower room. She stripped as quickly as possible and dived into the shower cubicle, saying the magic phrase. Unseen hands picked up the muggle soap and started to caress her. She could not resist enjoying the sensation for a few moments, even though there was something hard and pointy pressing against her bottom. Suddenly she remembered the danger they were in and stamped down where she guessed Garry's foot would be.
"Ow. Watch out."
"Garry, you're in big trouble."
"You told?"
"I thought it was a randy ghost. I wouldn't have minded if you had said."
"Course not, I've fancied you since the end of third year. Take that stupid cloak off and let me see you."
Once both were naked and visible they fell to tongue on tonsil action as they stood under the jet of warm water."
"Do it to me Garry," Briony gasped.
"Do what?"
"It, you know, what those people are doing in your muggle books."
"How did you know."
"Don Beesley told every everybody and we all sneaked into your room for a look. It was very … educational."
"Well I've never…"
"Nor me, but I don't think its absolutely necessary for the boy to have a moustache."
After a lot of fumbling and grunting they did it.
"Oh God, Oh God, Ohgodohgodohgod," Briony squealed.
"Ahem, not exactly. Although theoretically, according to Shamanic tradition we are all part of God, as the oneness is sometimes known," Humblebore's sonourous voice said outside the cubicle.

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