The first President of the European Union will be some Belgian bloke nobody had heard of. He has a name that sounds a buit rude as it relates to the old slang term rumpy pumpy which is more or less self explanatory so naturally we Brits are doing lots of jokes. This has pissed off the Belgians and they hsave started saying things like The British are a nation of drunken louts.
Yes we know and we're proud of it.
They should tread carefully though. If they go to far we could bring the Monty Python derogatory name for Belgians into the argument.
The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant. - Maximilien Robespierre.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Return Of The Jedi without his cornflakes)
The march of crackpot religions continues apace. When in the last UK census around ten per cent of us listed our religion as Jedi we were joking. Or were we.
Some people it seems take their Jedi faith very seriously (there's always a few out there). They went and formed an official Church Of Jediism, with a doctrine, a creed and all the other nonsense including a commandment stating Jedi Knights may not be seen in public without their hoods raised.
This Jedi warrior was excommunicated for showing her head (and a couple of other things) in the pub.
The rule would get Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker to name but a few, excommunicated because in the Star Wars ffrancise they are seen with hoods lowered by millions. The founder of the Church of Jediism might struggle to obey his own diktat too, when he popped down the shops for a loaf of bread, some milk and a packet of cornflakes he was approached by security as he queued at the checkout and asked to lower his hood because people might mistake him for a terrorist.
When he refused, claiming it was against his religion, he was escorted out of the store without his stuff. We hope he can eat The Force, if not he's going to be a very hungry Jedi in the future as the hooded hoards of ISIScontinue to terrorise the west.
So don't be scared if you see someone dressed like this down the supermarket, he (or she) is not necessarily an ISIS fighter come to cause mayhem but a hungry Jedi grabbing a few groceries.
Some people it seems take their Jedi faith very seriously (there's always a few out there). They went and formed an official Church Of Jediism, with a doctrine, a creed and all the other nonsense including a commandment stating Jedi Knights may not be seen in public without their hoods raised.
This Jedi warrior was excommunicated for showing her head (and a couple of other things) in the pub.
The rule would get Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker to name but a few, excommunicated because in the Star Wars ffrancise they are seen with hoods lowered by millions. The founder of the Church of Jediism might struggle to obey his own diktat too, when he popped down the shops for a loaf of bread, some milk and a packet of cornflakes he was approached by security as he queued at the checkout and asked to lower his hood because people might mistake him for a terrorist.
When he refused, claiming it was against his religion, he was escorted out of the store without his stuff. We hope he can eat The Force, if not he's going to be a very hungry Jedi in the future as the hooded hoards of ISIScontinue to terrorise the west.
So don't be scared if you see someone dressed like this down the supermarket, he (or she) is not necessarily an ISIS fighter come to cause mayhem but a hungry Jedi grabbing a few groceries.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Michael Jackson's Death Was Faked - We Reveal All
Boggart Blog Exclusive: Jacko’s Death Faked, We Reveal Why. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-06-27 – 17:17:07
It was inevitable that people would quickly start to claim Michael Jackson is not really dead. It happened with Buddy Holly, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin who all found it possible to be dead, dead famous and at the same time evade the all seeing eye of the media. But at Boggart Blog we like to go a step further and so we will reveal why Whacko Jacko and his handlers decided death was the only way left to salvage the singer’s stalled career.
For many of the superstars who have become more successful when dead, embarrassing revelations about their private lives that would have damaged them in life only enhanced their reputation in death. Did we care that Elvis liked to eat fried banana sandwiches while sitting on the lav? Did the knowledge that Marilyn did not change her knickers every day diminish her sex appeal. In death and in the fantasies of millions Elvis was always the slim, hip swivelling teenager and MM’s panties were always pristine. Jim Morrison; in reality fat dead guy in a bath: in public perception always the slender, beautiful rebel. See what we mean.
Most of the evidence we have to back up our allegation is circumstantial of course but just apply logical reasoning and you will understand why Jackson’s death had to be announced now. We are not saying the hospital where he was treated or the Los Angeles coroners office were complicit in the deception, there were people in Jackson’s entourage who were so skilled in administering medication they had managed to drug up the star enough to have him declared clinically sane on several occasions. The drug that put him into a deep coma and slowed his heart rate to one beat per minute was administered by a member of the entourage and the authorities had no way of knowing what had really happened.
Why was this done now, in the days leading up to what meeja talking heads predicted would be a triumphant comeback with a season of 50 gigs at London’s O2 arena? The clue is in the venue. O2, Oxygen – the Oxygen of publicity was what was needed to kick start record and DVD sales and make some money for the parasites and hangers on who had lived off Jacko for so long. To die would be sad but to die on the verge of a comeback would be tragedy worthy of Grand Opera.
And why would the singer agree to such a course. Consider the dichotomy of Michael Jackson. Certain aspects of his lifestyle forced him to become a virtual recluse, he spent weeks on end closeted in Neverland with only little boys, cartoon characters and Jesus Juice for company and yet this was a man lived for acclaim, craved adoration, fed on the adoring attentions of his fans. He even liked to cast himself as Jesus, an unfortunate habit which led to that infamous Jarvis Cocker moment. So how was it possible to earn a living, be adored and indulge in certainly lifestyle options that do not bear close scrutiny?
Be dead of course?
Yes Michael had for more to gain from being dead than either Elvis or Jim Morrison before him. Once dead he could be a publicity shunning control freak and a publicity seeking fame junkie simultaneously. And whatever he was getting up to in his secret hideaway, in the public perception he would ever be that cute squeaky voiced kid with a normal nose.
It was not in Michael’s make up to slip away quietly, to have an empty plane flown into a mountain, pay a fat tramp to sit in a bath eating speed, to have six burly henchmen and a crane lift him off a golden toilet. No, Jacko had to go out big. A million tickets sold for the O2 gigs, a million people wailing and gnashing their teeth at news of his death (most because they were worried about not getting their money back) would appeal to Jacko’s sense of occasion.
There was no way the concerts could ever go ahead of course. Apart from what abuse of prescription drugs had done to Michael’s heart there was the question of dancing. While the fans would be expecting to see the old dance moves that resembled a spazza on speed the weird one’s body had deteriorated to such an extent due to excessive surgery bits would drop off if he stood up too quickly.
We understand the original plan was for a lot of headline grabbing showboating, concerts cancelled, postponed, will he, won’t he rumours flying around, pre publicity shots of Michael looking frail but bravely insisting the shows would go on. Then the dramatic collapse twenty minutes into the first concert. Shock, horror. Tsunami of sympathy. Diana moment, spontaneous outpourings of grief, mega record and DVD sales, the posthumous autobiography dictated to a psychic, the Bubbles the Chimp reveals all expose syndicated to Murdoch owned publications around the world.
Unfortunately something happened that made it all go pear shaped. While many of Michael Jackson tickets languished unsold in the safes of agencies that had snapped them up and other were being given away as competition prizes news started to filter through that the Take That tour had shifted a million and a half tickets and the boys were playing to packed houses and rapturous reviews. And furthermore Take That’s clown faces were only painted on.
Michael Jackson could just not face the fact that he was not as popular as four has beens from Manchester. In a fit of pique he brought his death scene forward to try and steal attention from the boy band.
More Great Humour (in the worst possible taste) from Greenteeth Multi Media
Strewth! The Wallabis Have Been At The Opium.
The Australian Island of Tasmania is the largest grower of legally licenced opium poppies in the world. But strange things have been happening, crop circles have appeared in the poppy fields. And this has produced a new theory of how crop circles are made.
The World Will End Soon So Check Your Insurance Cover.
It's a few months since Boggart Blog posted an article on the prediction that the world will end much sooner than expected. As usual the blog post carried our warning tht Boggart Blog should never be taken seriously. Even so a comment spammer turned up today to advise our readers to upgrade their insurance cover. But how do you claim for end of the world damage?
It was inevitable that people would quickly start to claim Michael Jackson is not really dead. It happened with Buddy Holly, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin who all found it possible to be dead, dead famous and at the same time evade the all seeing eye of the media. But at Boggart Blog we like to go a step further and so we will reveal why Whacko Jacko and his handlers decided death was the only way left to salvage the singer’s stalled career.
For many of the superstars who have become more successful when dead, embarrassing revelations about their private lives that would have damaged them in life only enhanced their reputation in death. Did we care that Elvis liked to eat fried banana sandwiches while sitting on the lav? Did the knowledge that Marilyn did not change her knickers every day diminish her sex appeal. In death and in the fantasies of millions Elvis was always the slim, hip swivelling teenager and MM’s panties were always pristine. Jim Morrison; in reality fat dead guy in a bath: in public perception always the slender, beautiful rebel. See what we mean.
Most of the evidence we have to back up our allegation is circumstantial of course but just apply logical reasoning and you will understand why Jackson’s death had to be announced now. We are not saying the hospital where he was treated or the Los Angeles coroners office were complicit in the deception, there were people in Jackson’s entourage who were so skilled in administering medication they had managed to drug up the star enough to have him declared clinically sane on several occasions. The drug that put him into a deep coma and slowed his heart rate to one beat per minute was administered by a member of the entourage and the authorities had no way of knowing what had really happened.
Why was this done now, in the days leading up to what meeja talking heads predicted would be a triumphant comeback with a season of 50 gigs at London’s O2 arena? The clue is in the venue. O2, Oxygen – the Oxygen of publicity was what was needed to kick start record and DVD sales and make some money for the parasites and hangers on who had lived off Jacko for so long. To die would be sad but to die on the verge of a comeback would be tragedy worthy of Grand Opera.
And why would the singer agree to such a course. Consider the dichotomy of Michael Jackson. Certain aspects of his lifestyle forced him to become a virtual recluse, he spent weeks on end closeted in Neverland with only little boys, cartoon characters and Jesus Juice for company and yet this was a man lived for acclaim, craved adoration, fed on the adoring attentions of his fans. He even liked to cast himself as Jesus, an unfortunate habit which led to that infamous Jarvis Cocker moment. So how was it possible to earn a living, be adored and indulge in certainly lifestyle options that do not bear close scrutiny?
Be dead of course?
Yes Michael had for more to gain from being dead than either Elvis or Jim Morrison before him. Once dead he could be a publicity shunning control freak and a publicity seeking fame junkie simultaneously. And whatever he was getting up to in his secret hideaway, in the public perception he would ever be that cute squeaky voiced kid with a normal nose.
It was not in Michael’s make up to slip away quietly, to have an empty plane flown into a mountain, pay a fat tramp to sit in a bath eating speed, to have six burly henchmen and a crane lift him off a golden toilet. No, Jacko had to go out big. A million tickets sold for the O2 gigs, a million people wailing and gnashing their teeth at news of his death (most because they were worried about not getting their money back) would appeal to Jacko’s sense of occasion.
There was no way the concerts could ever go ahead of course. Apart from what abuse of prescription drugs had done to Michael’s heart there was the question of dancing. While the fans would be expecting to see the old dance moves that resembled a spazza on speed the weird one’s body had deteriorated to such an extent due to excessive surgery bits would drop off if he stood up too quickly.
We understand the original plan was for a lot of headline grabbing showboating, concerts cancelled, postponed, will he, won’t he rumours flying around, pre publicity shots of Michael looking frail but bravely insisting the shows would go on. Then the dramatic collapse twenty minutes into the first concert. Shock, horror. Tsunami of sympathy. Diana moment, spontaneous outpourings of grief, mega record and DVD sales, the posthumous autobiography dictated to a psychic, the Bubbles the Chimp reveals all expose syndicated to Murdoch owned publications around the world.
Unfortunately something happened that made it all go pear shaped. While many of Michael Jackson tickets languished unsold in the safes of agencies that had snapped them up and other were being given away as competition prizes news started to filter through that the Take That tour had shifted a million and a half tickets and the boys were playing to packed houses and rapturous reviews. And furthermore Take That’s clown faces were only painted on.
Michael Jackson could just not face the fact that he was not as popular as four has beens from Manchester. In a fit of pique he brought his death scene forward to try and steal attention from the boy band.
More Great Humour (in the worst possible taste) from Greenteeth Multi Media
Strewth! The Wallabis Have Been At The Opium.
The Australian Island of Tasmania is the largest grower of legally licenced opium poppies in the world. But strange things have been happening, crop circles have appeared in the poppy fields. And this has produced a new theory of how crop circles are made.
The World Will End Soon So Check Your Insurance Cover.
It's a few months since Boggart Blog posted an article on the prediction that the world will end much sooner than expected. As usual the blog post carried our warning tht Boggart Blog should never be taken seriously. Even so a comment spammer turned up today to advise our readers to upgrade their insurance cover. But how do you claim for end of the world damage?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
All Architects Are Twats
Liverpools's Three Graces, The Liver Building (with its two famous Liver birds), The Cunard - White Star Line building and The Liverpool Port Authority building (Image source)
In school we used to have our own version of that old northern favourite On Ilkley Moor Baht ‘At. The refrain went “All Yorkshiremen are twats, all Yorkshiremen are twats…” There is no truth in that of course, Yorkshire is full of very nice people, no more twats per thousand head of population than anywhere else. I still sing the schoolyard version, with a slightly changed lyric whenever I visit a redeveloped area in one of our major cities:
All architects are twats, all architects are twats, all arch - i - tects are twats…”
That is not true either and would have remained a little private amusement had it not become necessary to write about one modernist architect whose outstanding twattery taints all other members of his profession. Just recently a row of epic proportions has erupted between HRH The Prince of Wales, defender of all that is traditional and worthy and fuddy duddy, patron of The Village Green Preservation Society and talker to trees and Prince of Architectural Darkness, Richard Rogers
Far from preserving the village green, Rogers would like to see the few that remain covered in concrete, glass and steel.
Regular readers will know by now that Boggart Blog is no fan of Royalty. We have often said Prince Big Ears is a twat. And we all know Prince Big Ears hates modern architects. That in itself however does not mean we like modern architects any more than he does. In his latest bust up with the monstrous carbuncle merchants however he has a point.
Many modern architects share a total disregard for the aesthetic tone of the areas that will surround their buildings. Their attitude can be summed up as "we are very clever people and have lots of bits of paper to prove it, therefore we are right and nobody else's opinion is worth listening to. It is exactly the same attitude as that displayed by the boy-scientists this blog has spent so much time berating for their hubris.
The latest architectural outrage to upset our future King is a plan to plonk a modern concrete, steel and glass legoland development in the middle of elegant low rise Regency and Victorian buildings. The building of such a development borders on vandalism. The ethos of modern architecture could be "if we can't replicate the beauty of traditional developments that employ styles dating back hundreds of years we will destroy beauty and replace it with ugliness. To know this is true we only have to look at the monstrosity known as The Gherkin in London's financial district. So badly designed and ill conceived a piece of ego tripping is it, it even looks out of place and ugly among the functional tower blocks like the Stock Exchange building, the NatWest tower (now Tower 42) 99 Bishopsgate and the Heron Building.
Not all modernism is bad. It is largely a question of personal taste but Canary Wharf, the media village in Manchester Docklands and other brownfield developments look fine, the styles of buildings don't clash and the areas are well laid out. It is when modernism intrudes in a well established area the problems start. The most avant garde of modern buildings are seldom more than an ego wank for the architect and so blending in with the surroundings is not a consideration. The architect wants to stamp his ego on the surroundings thus the more his project resembles a boil on the nose the better he likes it.
"You fuckers will remember me," is the message. This is made very clear in the petulant attitude displayed by Richard Rogers when his project was derailed. He accused Prince Charles of single handedly wrecking it. Well Charles had used his influence but don't forget Rogers and his financial backers had ridden roughshod over the objections of many residents of the areas surrounding his projected development.
As if this faux pas was not enough of the designs submitted the favourite to be chosen was a concrete structure that looked like one of those hamburger shaped diners we see in American films and TV shows. Fortunately the people of Liverpool had to good sense to set up a public outcry and stop that scheme going ahead. That a senior architect whose training includes (allegedly) aesthetic appreciation as well as the science and technology of structural engineering could not see why such a design would never fit in with the original buildings called three graces brings to mind this:
My name is Ozymandias king of kings,
look on my works ye mighty and despair.
And look how he ended up.
RELATED POSTS:
Van Goch'e Ear
Architects Are Twats
The Great Internet Scam
Mainstream Media Fightback
Art Of Cheating
Breaking News From The Art World
Shite And The City
Is The Turner Prize Shite?
Friday, May 15, 2009
UK Politicians Expenses Scandal
The most hilarious political scandal in years is the Expenses scandal currently responsible for meltdown of the British political system with the Government in total disarray and the opposition parties not much better.
Read the funniest reportin, opinion and comment by following links below.
From A Bag O’Shite To A Chandelier And Back. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-12 – 16:57:01
Yesterday’s report on the Bag O’Shite MPs’ expenses scandal concluded with the promise we would bring you further and even more astounding revelations about the bizarre expenses claims made by Members of Parliament.
Today we honour our promise.
Sir Michael Spicer (Con, Rawtenborough South) successfully claimed the cost of having a chandelier hung at his Manor House which he insists is his second home despite its having been in the family...
CLICK HERE to read full post From A Bag O’Shite To A Chandelier And Back
UK Politicians Expenses Scandal Gives Glimpse Of What's To Come
Democracy is being strangled, it seems, by self interest and misplaced loyalties. Only months after the Blagojevic pay-for-power scandal and President Obama's own difficulty in finding people who were not crooks to fill various cabinet positions and other offices in his administration, we now have in Britain the budding scandal of Members of Parliament fiddling...
CLICK HERE to read full post UK Politicians Expenses Scandal
Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress.
The fervid anticipation preceding the release of Liberal Democrats dodgy expenses claims turned into a sense of disappointment today as the embarrassing items we had hoped to see were absent. Where, for example, were the invoices for 5000 gallon tankers of Vodka delivered to Charlie Kennedy’s second home or the bill for supply of intravenous drip equipment so the former leaders could stay topped up while paralytic?
CLICK HERE to read full post Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress.
Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-11 – 18:15:50
The details of MP’s dodgy expenses claims continue to land on the Boggart Blog News Desk 24 hours a day. Our reporters are on round the clock alert to bring you up to the minute information. The latest expose we hear...
CLICK HERE to read full post Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses.
Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag o’shite politics. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-11 – 16:59:45
While we all sit back to watch the news and enjoy the witch hunt of Labour ministers over their eccies, from Jaqui Smith’s 89p bath plug to Barbara Follet’s £25k of security, we should not overlook some of the bizarre items that are turning up in Conservative MP’s claims...
CLICK HERE to read full post Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag o’shite politics.
Also check out these Greeneeth Multi Media pages:
The Daily Stirrer Hard hitting opinion and comment from the people who brought you Little Nicky Machiavelli.
Boggart Blog Central The main clearing house for Boggart Blog articles from the UK and world editions of what is probably the web's funniest satirical blog/
Read the funniest reportin, opinion and comment by following links below.
From A Bag O’Shite To A Chandelier And Back. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-12 – 16:57:01
Yesterday’s report on the Bag O’Shite MPs’ expenses scandal concluded with the promise we would bring you further and even more astounding revelations about the bizarre expenses claims made by Members of Parliament.
Today we honour our promise.
Sir Michael Spicer (Con, Rawtenborough South) successfully claimed the cost of having a chandelier hung at his Manor House which he insists is his second home despite its having been in the family...
CLICK HERE to read full post From A Bag O’Shite To A Chandelier And Back
UK Politicians Expenses Scandal Gives Glimpse Of What's To Come
Democracy is being strangled, it seems, by self interest and misplaced loyalties. Only months after the Blagojevic pay-for-power scandal and President Obama's own difficulty in finding people who were not crooks to fill various cabinet positions and other offices in his administration, we now have in Britain the budding scandal of Members of Parliament fiddling...
CLICK HERE to read full post UK Politicians Expenses Scandal
Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress.
The fervid anticipation preceding the release of Liberal Democrats dodgy expenses claims turned into a sense of disappointment today as the embarrassing items we had hoped to see were absent. Where, for example, were the invoices for 5000 gallon tankers of Vodka delivered to Charlie Kennedy’s second home or the bill for supply of intravenous drip equipment so the former leaders could stay topped up while paralytic?
CLICK HERE to read full post Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress.
Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-11 – 18:15:50
The details of MP’s dodgy expenses claims continue to land on the Boggart Blog News Desk 24 hours a day. Our reporters are on round the clock alert to bring you up to the minute information. The latest expose we hear...
CLICK HERE to read full post Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses.
Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag o’shite politics. by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-11 – 16:59:45
While we all sit back to watch the news and enjoy the witch hunt of Labour ministers over their eccies, from Jaqui Smith’s 89p bath plug to Barbara Follet’s £25k of security, we should not overlook some of the bizarre items that are turning up in Conservative MP’s claims...
CLICK HERE to read full post Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag o’shite politics.
Also check out these Greeneeth Multi Media pages:
The Daily Stirrer Hard hitting opinion and comment from the people who brought you Little Nicky Machiavelli.
Boggart Blog Central The main clearing house for Boggart Blog articles from the UK and world editions of what is probably the web's funniest satirical blog/
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Daily Stirrer
Six years have passed since we started publishing The Daily Stirrer, and what started out as three old gits who did not care anymore what people thought of them and so could say what many people thought but dare not articulate in public has grown somewhat.
With about three million visitors a year we are not in the big league of alternative news sites, but we have a following and are more interested in kicking arse and povoking thought that breaking records. And the Greenteeth Multi Media empire has continued to grow of course.
Why not get to know us by exploring this site. You will find plenty of links to our other pages.
(Image source)
Five Years Ago
The Greenteeth Multi Media Empire has moved on a lot since I was last here. Check out our newest feature The Daily Stirrer a page for the most controversial opinion on the web.
Also look in on the Greenteeth portal for comedy, fiction, articles, verse and more.
With about three million visitors a year we are not in the big league of alternative news sites, but we have a following and are more interested in kicking arse and povoking thought that breaking records. And the Greenteeth Multi Media empire has continued to grow of course.
Why not get to know us by exploring this site. You will find plenty of links to our other pages.
(Image source)
Five Years Ago
The Greenteeth Multi Media Empire has moved on a lot since I was last here. Check out our newest feature The Daily Stirrer a page for the most controversial opinion on the web.
Also look in on the Greenteeth portal for comedy, fiction, articles, verse and more.
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